Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize