I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
