Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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