Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
