my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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