Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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