420 ftw
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Blood and glitter go together right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
