Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize