guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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