Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
