I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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