there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
