I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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