I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
PANTIES FOUND
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
