I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
