i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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