Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
