dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
