32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Randomize
