Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
