Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
