I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
