Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
