You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
