Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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