Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
