at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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