So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
