If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
