All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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