the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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