The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
