I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize