You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
