The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
