Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
