I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
