I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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