what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
