We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
look no pants
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
