So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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