Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this boner is exhausting
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
