I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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