I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
