I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
