More tranny stories later!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize