I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hell yes lets make some ravioli
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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