good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
