I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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