My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize