you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize