So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
