I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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