Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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