I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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