Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
