it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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