I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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