I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
