yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is my gift to your gina
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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