i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize