i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
