Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
