the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
