and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My dick has a subreddit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
