as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
