Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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