if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
